First time in church after 6 weeks away ... what a weird day ...

Hi everyone, I'm here blogging at 4:30am on Monday morning. "Why?", you may ask? Jet-lag, having being on the US timezone for 6 weeks, I'll need a few days to get my body clock back in order. So last night, I fell asleep during 'Grey's Anatomy', a bummer I know but I saw a few episodes in the US that were a few episodes later than those shown here so I roughly know what's going to happen.

Ok, yesterday was my first day at church for a long time. It was great to see familiar faces again and also see some new faces around. Yesterday's service was a special one with a 'child dedication' at the end. Basically it is where the parents dedicate the lives of their children to God. That was the nice part, the weird parts were in the beginning and the end.

Before our pastor started preaching the message of the day he asked us to imagine being married [Wooohoooo!! I'm married], then to imagine that I have a child [Oh ... I have a child? Ok ...]. So there I was, trying to think of a wife and child. The only thing that popped into my head was an African American wife and a baby daughter. I've never thought of either two before and I've always wanted a boy! Worse still, the pastor asked for volunteers to share their thoughts and my dear friends yelled out my name. [Where is Roy when you need him?]. When pastor heard my name, he commented "Oh ... ~g~ will take a long time ...". Anyway, much to my dismay, I told everyone about my baby girl and African American wife. Now I wasn't trying to make fun of our African congregation or anything like that, it was just what was in my head at the time [and you know that nothing much goes on up there anyway. Just goes to show that I've been in the US too long].

Ok, that was the weird part in the morning. In the afternoon, after having a fantastic lunch [we ate at Good One BBQ, food was usual but after not having chinese food for 6 weeks, it was heavenly.] So a group of us was making our way to Baskin-Robbins, the a woman from our group starts tugging at my shirt and pulling them out of my pants at which time alarms bells began to ring in my head [you see, my t-shirt was tucked into my pants]. Here were the thoughts running in my head:

• "What... is there a bug there somewhere?"
• "Did something get tangled with your purse?"
• "Hellooooo .., you're MARRIED! ... "
• "Where were you BEFORE you got MARRIED?"
  
• "When is your husband going to jump me and beat me to a pulp? I can picture it now ... me lying sprawled on the pavement along Albany Hwy with foam flowing out of my mouth ..."
  

After I had gained control of my clothing and asked her why she was tugging at my shirt, she explained that I had committed a fashion faux pas by tucking my shirt into my pants. [In my defense, I had worn a jacket in the morning and since the day had gotten warmer, I had left it in my car]. My mum and sis used to tell me what to wear, I think they've given up by now. They still do comment on each other's attire, all they end up achieving is prolonging the time it takes for them to dress up.

So all this 'tugging at my shirt' business made me think. What else do married women have control over their husbands? After having observed the couples I've known, the following rings true:

• Finances - she controls it. Somehow somewhere, when the men signed the marriage certificate, there was some fine print in invisible ink that states she now decides what the man can spend. So that means ... no more gadgets / electronics, toy radio controlled cars ... generally all the fun toys that ALL MEN SHOULD HAVE.
• Food - she controls it. Not only will she tell you what to eat, she will eat your food, give you her left overs or even switch your food with hers when she doesn't like her food! Oh ... not to mention the first point above, you end up paying for it.
• The way you dress - she controls it. You may not be aware but husbands have some weird psychological effects on their wives. If you happen to wear something that she doesn't like, her mood changes, something like instant PMS. She now HATES you and that will go on until you wear WHAT SHE WANTS YOU TO WEAR.
• Your time - she controls it. "What to play tennis after church?" The usual answer is "ask my wife". Need I say more?

Now, I'm not trying to portray wives as being evil [not evil ... I wouldn't go that far ... maybe slightly sadistic in a good way?], they're just a few quirks I've seen in some married couples that I just find strange. Sometimes I just want to drag the men aside and ask "how did it get to this?" and be ready with some tissues if the tears start to flow and they need a shoulder to cry on. Married men, I'm here for you. [You know what, even after this post, I think I'll eventually end up as one of those men I described above. Be assured though, I'll go down kicking and screaming!!! BTW. Sorry for the long post, I haven't blogged for a while and I now have 'blogging diarrhoea'. Lots of crap being disseminated.]