Last chance ...

Ok, Valentine's day is tomorrow and if you're ill prepared, here are a few last minute emergency tips.

1. Luckily shops are open till 9pm so you still have time to pick something up.

2. I've always wondered why women like flowers, they die in the next few days so it doesn't rate highly in terms of 'value for money'. Why don't you get them something that lasts ... like a hammer, ever see a broken hammer? They last for ages!

3. On second thought, don't get the hammer. After unwrapping the gift, she may use it to 'hammer' you. Get her roses instead ... thornless ones in case she decides to throw it at you.

4. If for some oddball reason you can't get to the shops by 9pm and they're all closed, there is a 24hr pharmacy along Beaufort St. And no ... headache tablets, sanitary pads, laxatives are not appropriate gifts.

5. If your partner is not into gifts, tell her that she doesn't need gifts to know 'that you lub her'.

6. Also mention 'I said I lubbed you long ago, that should be good enough for you. If I change my mind I'll let you know.'

7. If all else fails, tie a ribbon around your head / neck, knock on her door and when she opens it, yell 'tada!'

[Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any injuries or break ups incurred due to these advice. Have a nice (injury free) Valentine's everyone ...]